She was thinking as someone who had lost her home, her marriage and her sense of control almost at once.
She imagined herself returning to her husband’s house.
She imagined standing before him without the pregnancy that had caused his anger.
Would he open the door?
Would he listen?
Would things return to the way they had been?
She did not know.
There were too many things she did not know.
She did not know who had gotten her pregnant.
She did not know why Roland had felt the need to hide his hospital job.
She did not know whether the familiarity of his face meant anything at all.
She did not know whether her husband could ever trust her again.
But as the night grew deeper, Nikki convinced herself that there was one decision she could make without waiting for anybody else to provide an answer.
She would deal with the pregnancy.
The idea frightened her, but she held on to the hope attached to it: after that, she would try to return to her husband.
Across the room, Roland remained unaware of the decision forming in her mind.
To him, the evening had ended better than expected.
Nikki had unpacked nothing further.
She had forgiven his lie.
They had eaten together.
She had stayed.
He had no reason to know that while he slept, Nikki was quietly deciding what she intended to do the next day.
She stared into the darkness for a long time.
The confrontation about Roland had begun with one hidden truth and ended by forcing Nikki to face the burden she had been carrying since leaving the hospital.
She had hoped Ward 10 might give her a name.
Instead, Roland had given her another denial.
She had hoped recognizing his face might unlock a memory.
Instead, it had produced more uncertainty.
She had hoped the truth could somehow restore her life.
By morning, she no longer wanted to wait for the truth before acting.
Nikki made up her mind.
The next day, she intended to seek an abortion for the babies and then try to return to her husband’s house.
It was not a triumphant decision.
It did not answer what had happened in Ward 10, and it did not prove that her marriage could be repaired.
It was the choice of a woman cornered by questions, shame, longing and exhaustion, reaching for the one path she believed might lead her back to the life she had lost.
As she finally closed her eyes, the cleaner’s uniform remained folded among Roland’s things.
Ward 10 remained inside the hospital.
And the question of what had truly happened to Nikki there remained unanswered.
But one thing had changed before the night ended.
Nikki had stopped waiting for someone else to decide what happened next.
